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Vossas Excelências, Ilustríssimos Senhores e Senhoras,

Trago notícias urgentes de um reino distante. É mister vos alertar, Vossas Excelências, que nesta estranha terra os habitantes criaram um país onde os mui digníssimos e respeitáveis representantes do povo são tratados, imaginem Vossas Senhorias, como o próprio povo. Insânia! Dirão que as histórias que aqui relato são meras alucinações de contos de fadas, pois rei e rainha e princesas há neste rico reino, que chamam de Suécia. Mas não se iludam! Os habitantes desta terra já tiraram todos os poderes do rei, em nome de uma democracia que proclama uma tal de igualdade entre todos, e o que digo são coisas que tenho visto com os olhos que esta mesma terra um dia há de comer.

Nestas longínquas comarcas, os mui distintos parlamentares, ministros e prefeitos viajam de trem ou de ônibus para o trabalho, em sua labuta para adoçar as mazelas do povo. De ônibus, Eminências! E muitos castelos há pelos quatro cantos deste próspero reino, mas aos egrégios representantes do povo é oferecido abrigo apenas em pífias habitações de um cômodo, indignas dos ilustríssimos defensores dos direitos dos cidadãos e da democracia.

Tais aviltamentos impostos aos nobres guardiões do erário público serão, talvez, efeitos dos ares destas estranhas paragens sobre as faculdades mentais do povo que nelas sobrevive. Nos extremos desta terra gelada, o sol brilha quase sem parar por muitos meses do ano, e no inverno só existe noite. Tão medonho é o frio neste pedaço do mundo, aqui nas lonjuras do Círculo Ártico, que o próprio mar se transforma em gelo no inverno. Isto eu também vi, com estes olhos que a terra há de comer.

Dirão os incautos que há mais alces e renas do que criaturas humanas nestas gélidas províncias, mas não é verdade. Os homens e mulheres desta terra, antes habitada por bravos guerreiros vikings que lutavam pelo dinheiro público com unhas e dentes e espadas e machados, já somam mais de nove milhões. E este reino está cercado por outros ricos reinos, numa península chamada Escandinávia, onde também há príncipes e reis, e onde os representantes do povo vivem como sobrevive um súdito qualquer. E isto eu também vi, com os olhos que esta terra há de comer: em um dos povos vizinhos, conhecido como o reino dos noruegueses, os nobres representantes do povo chegam a almoçar sanduíches que trazem de casa, e que tiram dos bolsos dos paletós quando a fome aperta.

Juntos, os habitantes desta península isolada do Norte da Europa são quase 20 milhões de pessoas, a constranger e humilhar a existência dos ilibados representantes que elegem.

É preciso cautela, Vossas Excelências. Deste reino que chamam de Suécia ainda pouco se ouve falar, pois são muitos os que confundem seu nome com o da Suíça, a terra dos bons chocolates e dos fidedignos bancos, como sabem Vossas Senhorias. Mas as notícias sobre o igualitário reino dos suecos se espalham.

Estocolmo, 6 de janeiro de 2013

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